Thankful Thursday

Hello?  Anyone here?  Or have ya'll grown tired of my continual absence and migrated over to Heidi Swapp's blog?  I mean she is Heidi after all and a fellow pink lover! 

I hope you are still here...and for anyone that is... for that I am truly thankful. 

Sorry to be so hit or miss this year.  I've been trying to figure out what the deal is with that and OK...I have a few thoughts on that subject. Are you up for hearing them? 

So I'll just say it.... I am in full blown blog burn out.  Is there a support group for that?  I used to look forward to blogging.  Lately?  Not so much.  I'm like eh..... what do I have to say that is even remotely interesting today?  Another day dealing with depression and chronic fatigue.  Another day not feeling good and struggling.  Another day not where I was.  And I mean really.... I wonder if I will just sound like I am whining and who wants to listen to that?  So not me.... 

I was reading Courtney Walsh's blog yesterday where she wrote about a particularly difficult time for her and her family and how she hadn't been blogging as much because she wants to be "authentic" and honest and sometimes you just feel like you can't do that so you'd rather say nothing.  That spoke to me.  I think I am in that place.  I have been holding back.  You've been with me thru a fire at our church.  Through weight loss ups and downs.  Through Mono.  Through my Dad's cancer.  And now through Chronic Fatigue and depression.  But in the name of being honest.... let's just put it out there.  Things aren't going so well right now. Summer of 2010.... well that was the last high point I can remember.  Then the weight loss stuff really stalled and turned into a huge plateau.  Then early in 2011 came the Mono which knocked me off my feet.  I was a good girl and did all the DRs told me to get thru the Mono... but it still lead to Chronic Fatigue and it's companion Depression... which yes, I have dealt with before.  And OK... the weight that I lost?  It found me again.  Or OK... I found it.  There were people that I thought were supportive and helpful and friends but when things started going bad they took things I had written on my blog and used them against me.  And yes... that has a lot to do with when the holding back started.  There were people that seemed to be waiting for me to fail when I was succeeding and when the failing started... they actually seemed happy about it.  Ouch.    So then one figures OK... who wants to share if they are going to get punched?  I mean punch me once it hurts... and I struggle and I forgive... but um not going to stand there and get punched again.  So... I've withdrawn.... which let's face it is a part of depression anyway. 

I've heard and seen attitudes about how Chronic Fatigue isn't a real illness. Depression isn't either.  Which leaves me wondering how come my DR whom I trust says I am too hard on myself and that Mono and CFS are REAL things and serious illnesses that take time to recover from.  And yes again... I withdraw and wonder who wants to hear my stories anymore.  But then I read on Courtney's post yesterday something I had already been thinking.... she said:  God reminded me...nobody else can benefit from your pain if you refuse to talk about it.

I believe God uses ALL things for Good (Romans 8:28) I believe there are things he wants me to learn from my current situation.  I believe that even though I've gotten off into the ditch.... OK... I didn't just drive off into the ditch... I've spun my wheels so much... I am good and sunk in.... God can show me how to drive out.  I think maybe it starts with gratitude for even the hard things.  So today I am choosing to be thankful for the Mono.  Thankful for the weight gain.  Thankful for the depression.  I already see how he uses it.  He has shown me so many times in the past that when I talk about it, when I bring the secrets, the hard things out into the light?  It takes away the power of Satan trying to use them against me.  Often you find out that 3 more people in the group you are talking to are struggling with the same things!  And when you have courage to speak about it... they think hey!  I am not the only one!  God can use even what we think are the bad things.  He uses all things for good.

So... OK probably more than you expected or perhaps needed today... but that is where I am.  I like blogging. I LOVE hearing from people that say they liked reading my blog. I like to write.  I like having this record of our lives.  It helps me with my scrapbooking and I've always been one to like a journal and a record of daily life.  I love to go back and read old entries.

So I am thinking  this blog needs some new life breathed into it.... perhaps so does the author.... I have been tossing around ideas of what kind of things I want to share.  If I want to have a schedule of posts... what kind of things would that include?  I still want to share about daily living and books!  Books... ah... definitely a bright light in the darkness at times.  So yes, will continue to share and review books.  I hope I can again pick up my scrapbooking and share about that.  I have also recently been heavily back into crocheting.  I've currently got at least 3 projects going... but all are gifts so I haven't been able to share... but they are coming soon.  I also hope to get back on the weight loss road.. which yes is a serious thing to me.  But I am also feeling maybe I need to take it all not quite so seriously..... or perhaps obsessively this time.... Because God has been showing me reasons it wasn't lasting before.  Perhaps I can share about that on another post.  I've also been thinking about Christmas already and would love to share some thoughts about that.... especially the extensive reading list I have made of Christmas Christian Fiction I have on hand! 

Are you still there?  Are you interested?  Are you with me?  I'd love to hear from anyone that says yes to those questions.  Please leave me a comment. 

And OK..... since it is in fact "Thankful Thursday" let's close with a list. 

I am thankful for.....

• Miss Tris!  Yes... that is her being quite busy in the yard stalking anything that moves.
• date night.... which tomorrow may include Endless Shrimp! 
• my job and co workers. 
• singing! 
• days at home. I love home
• pink stuff
• fall temps
• the beautiful colors of the trees right now
• Ghirardelli hot chocolate weather
• crocheting!
• reading!  Just finished Snowfall
• new sweaters and jeans
• more work done on the house!  We need a catch up post!
• Miss Sophie.  She decided to play fetch with Darrel last night. 
• 4 new little friends at church... sweetest kids ever
• new curtains
• sleeping in
• my blog.... and you!
• Darrel finally getting past a sinus infection that has been plaguing him
• my husband.  Best husband ever
• Saturday pancakes
• Hilton Head.... I hope we can go again next year.
• pedicures
• Tanner
• good friends
• Kids Hope!  We did some birthday celebrating yesterday!
• thanksgiving approaching....

And soooo much more.  God is good.

Thanks for listening..... um reading.... and thanks for being here!  

Blessings